Dying: Bludgeoning the Ego

entering-the-void

 

Killing the ego.

Popular among, psychedelic adventures and contemplatives, enlightened meditators and introspective gurus, a pop-culture reference.  Why someone would want to dissolve the shield (the ego most certainly is a protective shield) varies.  From experience, pinpointing distressing triggers: relationship, job, lack of perceived purpose, becomes excruciatingly apparent without this obsequious filter. 

It hurts, when the ego shatters.  For days, weeks, the shards rake your psyche, critical thoughts linger.  It feels like a bad breakup, death – departed loved one.  You see yourself, jejune and vain, arrogant, utterly unimportant.

Two hours, in, I became trapped, a hamster confined in a plastic globs, perforated, allowing the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide, alone.  Forced to dissect my life, I stumbled, eternally falling.

When the ground was solid under my feet, I was naked.  Stripped bare of all the pompous lies constructed to make my life more bearable, hiding the things I unconsciously loathed.

Did I mention it hurts?  Like acute depression or lifelong rejection.

Suicide never entered my mind, but the hopeless, sinking sensation was familiar.

Even now, a week and two days later, I’m listless; the ubiquitous master-volume turned down.  My surroundings are lackluster.

If you choose to kill your ego, know it’s only temporary.  Take no action immediately after your experience.  Be kind to yourself, in a sense you are injured, the healing process happens slowly.

 

 

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